top of page

What not to say to a New Loss Mom

We presented the question "What is one thing that someone said that was unintentionally hurtful?" on Facebook. These are just some of the responses we received.....

“God probably knew twins would be too much”

“Aren’t you glad there’s not 2 of him?” Jokingly talking about my son

You can always try again.

You already have 3 adopted kids

There was probably something wrong with it

It's not the end of the world

It wasn't even alive, it didn't even have a heartbeat

A dear loss mom friend who had 2 living sons and then, 1 year a part, birthed 2 stillborn sons past 20 weeks gestation had to have a follow up ultrasound after her second son was born still...the tech, upon learning why she was there and that she had had 2 sons born still and had 2 living , said "Oh! You just need to have a girl!" Ugh.

When telling her my son passed away.... "oh!!! (Said sadly) how old was he?!" Me: "I was 16 weeks pregnant and he was born still. " her face changed noticeably dismissive, "Oh!" (Said like that him being so young made his death less significant. Then she walked off.)

Why do you say you have 3 children? I only see 2. Don't confuse people.

‘You’re only young you still have plenty of time’

‘You need to move on and get over it’

‘You can always try again in the future’

You're going to be okay and your other children need you. 

To get over it

That i can have more kids and forget

“You want to have more?!”

“Dear Lord, I hope you’re not pregnant again.”

At least you know you can get pregnant

There was probably something wrong with him anyways!

You need to move on and get over it!

To get over it ... it wasn’t meant to be

“It wasn’t as hard for you cause you were only 26 weeks along, she was almost full term”.

It wasn’t meant to be.

You can have another

At least you’ve had a kid already.

Everything happens for a reason! ...

At least it happened early

You'll have more children

It's probably for the best. I mean look at kids today.

God needed an angel more than you needed a baby”

Your only a bit pregnant

It's because you waited too long to get pregnant. I was 32 years old when I lost my son Logan at 37 weeks my very first and only pregnancy.

I’m not surprised as you have a lot of children already (she was my 6th pregnancy, 4th baby)

Everything happens for a reason. - The more hurtful things were said behind my back and came back to me. They are actually not worth repeating bc they are so hurtful. Even though they were said so long ago they still resurface every time that time of year comes around and when I had my second miscarriage I couldn’t let go. It changed the friendships forever. It changed my heart forever.

It would just be nice if those that have never experienced such a thing could find empathy in their hearts take a step back to realize that bc you think you would react one way it doesn’t mean that is what will happen and you shouldn't push those ideas on someone that is experiencing it and knee deep in heart ache whether you agree with it or not.

Don’t know why your so upset you never held it....

Must have been something wrong with it....

Everything happens for a reason..

Was only cells.

Can always try again..

Least you know you can get pregnant…

You should be grateful at least you have had 3 kids already. (I am and always be thankful to God for letting me be a mom of three angels) but that doesn't make my two miscarriages any easier or less painful.

"Well, isn’t there something wrong with you?". I have a chronic lung disease that had nothing to do with why my baby passed.

"maybe it was for the best"

"you have a four month old! Two would of been two much right now"

“Your being selfish” about 1wk after losing my son

“mmm I bet you were just lying for attention”

It wasn't even a baby yet. Just cells. Why are you so upset over that.

It wasn’t meant to be! Or, God fixed a problem so you didn’t have to deal with it the rest of your life!

It wasn’t meant to be! Or, God fixed a problem so you didn’t have to deal with it the rest of your life!

"Well, people find out that they're pregnant sooner now. I'm sure that it's happened before and you just didn't know it." - My former female manager who has 3 adult children. I was 5 months along. I found out during month 4 that I was pregnant.

A few years after my miscarriage someone said “when you thought you were pregnant”

Never mind it wasn’t meant to be

"losing an unplanned baby doesn't hurt as much as a planned one"

You just have to let go

Talking about her makes you seem fragile

Your making me uncomfortable

bottom of page