Three years ago, I received life changing news. I had no idea June 30, 2016 would be a day I would remember for the rest of my life. I walked into my obgyns office an excited, pregnant woman. I had absolutely no idea that in reality, life can be very cruel. As I waited for the high-risk doctors to evaluate the sweet life inside of me, I cried huge tears while my husband held my hand. He listened to the diagnosis while I barely heard a word. The only clear sentence that still repeats itself to me everyday is “the prognosis is very poor. You’re going to lose this pregnancy”. I was 21 years old and the life inside of me was dying.
I was given a ton of paperwork, some “encouraging” words and a lab order to be checked for multiple infections and genetic abnormalities. I was also provided with the risks of continuing this pregnancy and a discreet sticky note with a phone number on the front and a phone number on the back. My doctor, a devout Christian, put his hand on my shoulder and said “these are the numbers to two abortion clinics. I’ve heard very good things about New Mexico”.
Now, I didn’t call the clinic that day. I went home, cried my heart out and prayed for answers. A dear friend of mine, that I barely knew at the time, drove to my house and picked me up. We drove around as we cried and talked about my options during this scary time. I went back to the hospital the next day for my results which confirmed it was not an infection, but a genetic abnormality of which they were not sure yet. I then spent the weekend with my family, barely eating. It was Fourth of July weekend, but I spent my time sleeping on the couch in unimaginable pain, physically and mentally.
Once Monday came around, I had come to the decision that termination was the best CHOICE for me. On Tuesday, I called the number you see on the sticky note, explained the situation and set an appointment for July 7th.
I spent the following days begging my Lord to just end my misery. Begging Him to make my baby’s heart stop beating so that it could just be over with. Begging for an easy way out so that I wouldn’t have to fear the judgment of others for the choice I was about to make for myself and my family.
You know what He did instead? He blessed me with the most wonderful women at the clinic in New Mexico. You probably imagine these clinics as cold, emotionless places. You’re wrong. The counselor and the doctor ensured me that everything was going to be okay. They talked me through the misassumptions that are believed about abortions. They guided me through a horrible experience and gifted me with the sweetest things to remember my boy by.
Because of the right to abort, I was able to get pregnant 5 short months later with my second blessing. My rainbow. My momma’s boy.